From The Onion: It's a satire news site, but for some of us, THIS is an unfortunate true story.
SPRINGFIELD, MA—Initial reports from your back porch confirmed Sunday
that, yep, the couple next door just got a pit bull. Witnesses said one
of its ears appears to have been bitten off and the animal has scars all
over its muzzle, indications that, wouldn’t you know it, this is
probably one of those rescue dogs that was thoroughly abused by its
previous owner. There it goes, sources stated, just growling and barking
away. And jumping. The pit bull can reportedly jump really high, clamp
its jaws down on a dangling piece of knotted rope, and just hang there,
snarling. According to sources, a low hedge is all that separates the
animal from your backyard, which, sure enough, is where your three small
children play all the time. Oh, here we go, the reports continued, your
neighbor is apparently coming over to tell you there are a lot of
misconceptions about these dogs. They’re only as bad as their owners, he
says. Well, at least they only got one pit—oh, nope, there’s a second
one coming out of the house. How about that, sources said. Two pit
bulls, and they’re really starting to go at each other, aren’t they?
Witnesses later confirmed that, Christ, they’re just going to leave the
two dogs untethered in the backyard while they go out for the night.