Monday, December 1, 2014

The Wagging Tail of the Dog that Nearly Killed Father Christmas

A  (TRUE) Christmas Story by She Who Sees

Santa Claus has got allergies. He's allergic to dogs. ALL dogs. It's a well-kept secret once only spoken of in murmurs in the magical grottos where Elves tap tiny hammers at wooden toys, and write software programmes for PlayStation 4 games. But not anymore.... Santa's secret is OUT. He's a geezer with a wheezer, he is Santa the Panter.

So there he sat, the jolly gentleman in red, his beard snow-white and fluffy, his girth wide and welcoming, his voice booming with endearing conviction 'Ho Ho Ho', a happy queue of parents with their tiny excited charges before him, a sack of gifts at his boot-clad feet, when suddenly....
Pit Bull Mommy, Pit Bull Daddy, their sweet little girl, and her 'Service Dog Pit Bull' arrive.
A Concerned Staff Member who knew of poor Santa's canine dilemma (those Elves are such terrible gossips), steps up to whisper in Santa's tickly whiskers, "is it okay for this short-haired dog to come hither, Santa dear?" to which our seasonal friend cringed, wheezed, wiped his eyes, and pleaded 'no, please no, anything, ANYTHING, but not dogs; alas, I could die, right here, amidst the tinsel and the toys, I have to think of my 'elf'.
Oh-so-gently did the Concerned Staff Member reveal poor Santa's doggy dilemma to the Pit Bull Mommy and the Pit Bull Daddy, but did they understand? DID they worry that poor Santa, after HUNDREDS of years of service to the young and the innocent, might actually cock his toes and fall off his perch, right there, today, in front of them all; Santa himself, flopping around like a landed fish, legs akimbo, wheezing like a grampus on 60 smokes a day?
No. They didn't. They got mad. They got Pit Bull mad. They called Santa a 'Nancy'!!! And worse!!! So too was the concerned Staff member abused as the Pit Bull Parents forgot ALL about their sweet little daughter, and proceeded to RANT and to RAGE and to THREATEN and to BLUSTER. Everyone was so upset! The sweet little girl cried! The crowd watched, enthralled and repelled - who needs a Christmas Pantomime; it was right there, in front of them, for free!
The Pit Bull Parents were escorted from the building; they were NOT to be reasoned with. They demanded names; they demanded retribution; they swore like fish-wives. They wanted their damn moment with Santa as he flopped around in his grotto, dying from anaphylactic shock, turning purple in the face, hurling wrapped gifts asunder as he tried to draw breath through the miasma of Pit Bull dander - how DARE Santa threaten to die when THEY wanted to show everyone their Service Dog Pit Bull could be JUST like any other Service Dog, and was absolutely NOT a representative of a dog that not only killed more children than all other breeds combined, but was in truth only a threat to the life and welfare of fat old Santas with allergy problems!
And away to the media they went, hauling their harnessed Service Doggie and their weeping child behind them. An outrage! Beastly old Santa must hate Pit Bulls! He must be a racist Santa! And that Concerned Staff Member was a Pit Bull racist too! Man the guns! Circle the wagons! Put on an Oscar-winning performance! Louder! Don't bully my breed! Chihuahua's are more dangerous! Get educamated, Santa!
But a nasty derpish moment did await the Pit Bull Parents.... Oh dear. For the Concerned Staff Member was ACTUALLY a life-long Pit Bull OWNER, and she KNEW that poor Santa would have shuffled off his mortal coil in the presence of ANY dog, not just a Pit Bull. My goodness - for perhaps the first time in history, a Chihuahua WAS actually as dangerous to someone as a Pit Bull! And so the Concerned Staff Member came out in a huff of righteous seasonal indignation to set the record straight on a Facebook Pitter Page called Pup-cake the Service Dog, much to the chagrin of the slowly-deflating Pit Bull Parents and the myriad horde of frothing Pit Bull Nutters attendant at all such media events. Silence may not be an option for the advocates of Pit Bull victims and survivors, but even these zenith-point Nutters knew that perhaps silence was a better option, once one has been revealed to be a bit of a moon-calf. And of course, the admin of Pup-cake the Service Dog seem to believe in silence TOO - they don't want to hear ANYTHING that might cast a hint of a doubt on the feckless idea of a Pit Bull as a Service Dog, as they swiftly delete ALL posts that may call them to account for their Santa-endangering actions...
And so ends (or perhaps just begins) the bizarre and yet rather predictable tale of Pit Bull Parents who forgot their humanity, of a wonderful Santa who adored children but tried to draw the line at DYING for the sake of a child with a Pit Bull, a Concerned Staff Member of decency who loves Pit Bulls but didn't fancy performing CPR on Father Christmas, and a Service Dog Pit Bull who unwittingly nearly snuffed poor Santa before he had even had the chance to draw his Ventolin inhaler and suck lustily on it.

Oh these Pit Bull Parents! Never a dull moment! Merry Christmas, one and all! Merry bloomin' Christmas!!!

Despite statements from the manager,  according to the spotlight agenda driven parents goes...Abcde, they are gloating that this "Bad Santa" and the elf has been fired.  Got to love their concern for other people with health conditions! 

Here's the spin from Pup-cake's kitchen!


Orange County Grinch disguised as Santa attempts to ruin Christmas 
Little girl with autism is turned away from Santa because of pit bull service dog 

Mission Viejo, California, US November 30, 2014  

A little girl with autism waited patiently in line today to meet Santa; not to ask Santa for anything but to ask Santa what he wanted himself for Christmas.

Autism is accompanied by many sensory issues, included self-harm behaviors and feeling overwhelmed at times by lights, sounds, especially when waiting; Pup-cake the service dog’s job is to intervene in those moments.

A family should be celebrating tonight the accomplishment of a child who waited over thirty minutes (Waiting for thirty minutes is not an accomplishment!) today at The Shops in Mission Viejo to meet Santa. To her dismay, Santa was afraid of her service dog, a sweet pit bull with as patient a disposition as Abcde, only to be turned away due to what we can only assume is the influence of BSL (breed specific legislation). (ASSUME is right, because BSL is not legal in this state, yet.  According to the testimony of the manager, ASSES are exactly what you made of yourself, and you are responsible for upsetting your child.) After the Santos family offered to remove the dog from the area, the building, Santa still refused to see the child; sending her away heartbroken leaving a family to comfort a child instead of celebrating her accomplishments.

The family is dealing with the law-breaking Santa imposter (is he anything like the imposter service dog and your imposter outrage?) and his Elf assistant, and has contacted Simon Property Group, and the management at The Shops at Mission Viejo; their goal is primarily and always to educate and inform those ignorant of the American Disabilities (allergies, anyone?) Act to ensure there are no more victims. They will also be reaching out to Noerr Programs Corporation.

Tonight, in the hopes of reigniting the holiday spirit in a crushed child, I ask one favor. 


Please get out your best Elf costumes, your Santa hats, your beards, your jingle bells and reindeers and bring on the holiday cheer!  Let’s rally together and show Abcde that the REAL Santa, in fact, LOVES her and her dog. Then she can consume these videos in her time in her own home.

Please share your videos using #savePupcakesChristmas and share to your social media. Instagram, Twitter, Facebook – we’ll find them!  Yes, Abcde, there really is a Santa Claus… and he LOVES Pup-cake.  (WE NEED SOME MORE ATTENTION, WE NEED TO STIR UP OUTRAGE WHERE THERE IS NONE!) 

How many of you will need your own emotional support Tiger to deal with the PTSD this creature will inspire?

This is only the second act.  What they may be fishing for, is their own reality series.  Stay tuned into the real Pit Nutter Circus, starring Pup-cake the fake service dog, Abcde, and some assorted attention hungry grifters.


  1. The kid's name is Abcde? Did I understand that correctly? wtf...

  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

  3. Truly?? They named their kid "Abcde"??! Why?

    1. What are the chances a concerned friend inquired about the name having the same name as Abcde's spokesperson?

      According to name expert lady, it's "Heaven" backwards. What do you expect when the father calls himself "Rock da Mullet"?

      In their book, "The Narcissism Epidemic," psychiatrists Jean Twenge & W. Keith Campbell write, "Naming rituals are central to cultures around the world and always have been. The names we choose for our children reveal our deepest wishes and desires..."

  4. Does pit advocacy really think that defending these publicity whore lunatics makes them seem any less insane? It's Munchausen's by Pittie.