GMO Pibbles

 They are certainly not one of God's creatures.  They are certainly not "natural".  The answer surely must be, HELL!

Madame Cesarina, Fortune Teller!

Among the side shows of promoting pit bulls as family pets, there is need for advice.  Sometimes, the lion tamers are too busy dealing with tours, merchandise, and naughty Lexus Projects  to help you with your sweet cur dog that is flexing latent genetic muscles. What to do now.....love, being calm and assertive,  the pinch collar and the "crate and rotate" didn't work out.   

Presenting....drum roll.....  Madame Cesarina available 24/7 365 days a year here at PIT NUTTER CIRCUS, it will cost you nothing (except for a sacrificed finger, neighbor's chihuahua, or some other blood sacrifice). Having a pit bull means that playing risky chance games is an important part of your  life style, after all!  Why not consult the oracle!

What advice do you think Madame Cesarina will give? 


Help for Sweet Nanny!

Help the Sweet Biter!                                                                                                 

   Help this sweet Rescue Angel!

 

Sometimes, advice on dealing with nutters is inquired.  What are your suggestions?

MORE Charming and Ironic Costumes

Just in time for PIT BULL AWARENESS MONTH and HALLOWEEN (and continuing on with Dia de los Muertos) here are some wonderful costume ideas modeled by the pibbles owned by the pit bull tribe of facebook!  Enjoy!
 

Chilly Willy doesn't feel he needs a devil costume to scare the kiddos.  

Luna the pibble made this homage to Lady Gaga's most iconic dress using flank steaks from organic free-range postal carriers and bits of neighborhood cats she herself harvested from hunts 
in the hood.

Sharky the Land Shark has been pillaging and plundering for years. Watch out for your fingers, he's not after your candy.

Plucky Pup Ozzy decided to dress as a victim of
a pit bull attack this year.

After eating the ear of a dog at the Shutzenhund meet, 

                                  Boom felt like Mike Tyson!




Fluffy Britches thinks to herself...."what's more frightening...my costume, or what lies beneath?"

Chilly Willy goes as his alter ego, John Wayne Gacy, once more.  

Clowns scare the bejeezers out of me!

Luna appears again, this time dressed as Miley Cyrus.  

She is quite the wrecking ball, and enjoys spring pole time!

Aye Carumba it's Chilly Willy Chile con carne! 
He ate one of those really mean Chihuahuas, 

and THIS is what happened!

 

 Pimpy Do Dah dresses just like his fur mommy's honey!

To get some action, 

Pimpy Do Dah's fur mommy's honey dresses 

                                    like Pimpy Do Dah.

Trinity invokes Donny Darko with this get up.  

Having a set of ears is something new to her.

Luna reappears as the White Swan, 

                           but the Black Swan is in her eyes.
                   She ate the prima ballerina after the first act.

Chilly Willy and Luna wish they could be as lovely as Lions,
or Chows, (who come with their own Lion Costume)
but you need a costume to hide all of that.
The costume tells more about the owner....

he fancies himself as a Lion Tamer.
Get a lion, and insist..."It's all how you raise 'em!"

Pimpy Do Dah appears once more, as the Grim Reaper.
He doesn't need a costume for that.

Creature of the early morning jog,

Creature of the late morning postal worker maul,

Creature of the afternoon adventure while walking the dog,

Creature of the early eve heart attack

While weeding the garden, you'd better watch your back!

Take a weapon with you when you Trick-or-Treat. 

The creature's looking for things to eat!

Trick-or-treaters, do beware!

These days, there are real monsters out there!

Happy Halloween! 

Pibbles Arts and Craft Time

It is officially Autumn time, and nothing brings in the season like setting aside some idle hours, to create away by the fireplace!  Your garden is all tucked in for the winter and pibbles at your feet (take care of those tasty tootsies!), it's CRAFT TIME!   Create some cutesy wootsie kitschy crafts to make for the craft fair or to that Pit bull awareness event...can we say FUNDRAISER for pibbles!!!  Of course, they make great gifts, you can shove your political agenda of owning fighting breeds down the throats of your nay-saying relatives!

 


Uncanny in their portrayals in yarn, pit bulls seem to go right for the scalp!  It is not known whether or not these charming knit caps will actually protect your child from a scalping, or if it may in fact, trigger a scalping!

In this vintage Ken Costume, we find the only evidence that Dobermans were the bad-ass dog of the seventies.  Proof of it, an anatomically correct doll suffering from a severe case of fragile masculinity issues.  But wait, this doll has got the cajones  enough to rock a crocheted suit!  These suits are also great on G.I. Joe!  Creative knitters can easily adapt the Doberman pattern to make them into pibbles, just make the ears a wee bit shorter, and insert some little beady eyes to make them look appropriately reptilian like a pit bull!

This will be heartwarming for your postal carrier, or a good warning.  We used this for lawn dart practice, until lawn darts were banned.
 

Do you volunteer to read to the children at your public library or school?  If you can't bring your therapy rehabilitated rescued bait pibble with you, a life-like mask will be the next best thing!  Think of the impact it will make to a reading of Galunker!

 Make these cute little purses for all of your Republican pals!  If they can accept Palin, there is hope for pibbles!  Hope AND a handy place to keep some change!

Perhaps you have a sensitive new age friend who would never use a plastic or paper shopping bag.  People of this sort are usually vegans, vegetarians and/or animal rights supporters too...perhaps you can get them to help you in those "causes"  to save dogs that maul and kill people, and oppose breed specific mandatory spay and neutering policies .  If you don't tell everything you know, the message will sound politically correct enough for them to join in their support without too much scrutiny!  This has multi-cultural appeal as well, Badabing, you have achieved a political ly correct trifecta with this whimsical bag!

This charming game-bred sculpture may look even cuter with some  candy corn poo.  OR, imagine adding him to the cast of your holiday decor....how adorable he would look,  at Santa's knee, welcoming the kiddies... or in a creche scene, protecting the baby Jesus.   I feel a children's book coming on.....

The pit bull tribe of  facebook fur-mommies can give their spawn a great introduction to the joy of creating arts and crafts and pit bull thug culture, promoting hand-eye coordination while they STILL have hands and eyes! Of course, this activity will keep the brats out of fur mommie's hair while she concentrates on capturing screen shots to share with the tribe.  One would think a "Nanny Dog" should suffice enough entertainment for the tots.

How adorable!

Happy Crafting!

Flirting with Death

What Kind of Pit Bull Are You? Take the Quiz!

I ran into this ridiculous test to find out what kind of pit bull I am.  I turned out to be the rapper, Pit Bull, not a real pit bull, WHEW!

Click here and prepare the barf bag!

Pit Nutter Circus thought we would get into the fun, so we created a test and find out just what kind of REAL PIT BULL you are!  Or you can take it on behalf of the pit bull that gave you a lesson on what it means to be a pit bull.


Take the REAL test!

It's been removed!  WINNING!  Not to worry, reposted below, scroll down. Viva la Freedom of Speech!

       What kind of pit bull are you?

Reposted here for your amusement, with a nod to the serious! Take out a notepad and keep score

for every A answer, give yourself one point
For every B score 2
for every C score 3
and every D answer scores 4. All you Cosmo readers will have no problem with this.


1.  What name appeals to you most?
  A.  Honeybunch  B.  Diablo  C.  Mickey  D.  Pimpy Do Dah

      2.  Describe your owner.
A.  White Trash with criminal tendencies
B.  Well, there are definite fragile masculinity issues going on...

C.   Irresponsible and/or clueless 
D.  College educated vegan animal rights activist

3.  What activity do you most enjoy?

A.  Fighting with other dogs like myself

B.  I wish I could walk, it’s hard to breathe
C.  Defending my bone and snacking on children

D.  Tasting children to see if they are ripe yet
 

4.  Do you have any special talents?
A.  I would fight another dog like me to the death despite    having my ear or leg torn off

B.  I have this very large head.  Homies be saying “Damn, that dog has a large head”.  I add at least an inch to the manhood of my owner.
C.  Multitudes of people world around the world donated thousands of dollars to the “Lexus Project” for my legal defense, and I have a Causes page, a facebook page, and I've even been on the news! 
D.  I am able to live in an apartment complex where no pets are allowed, and where pit bulls are banned, because my fur mommy claims I’m a “therapy dog”.

5.  Describe where you live:
A.  Way out in the Hollers of Ohio

B.  Los Angeles

C.  Maricopa County Jail, Arizona
D.  Maimi Dade County, Florida

6.  If you were “somehow” able to escape, what activity most appeals to you?
A.  Attacking anything that moves

B.  I wouldn’t be able to make it out the front door.

C.  Eat a child

D.  Maul the Dachshund next door.  You know, they are the most aggressive dog out there!

7.  Describe what you are wearing right now?
A.  A very large chain and lots of battle scars

B.  An expensive studded collar

C.  A costume, I’m posing for the web cam!
D.  A “Therapy” Dog vest and a prong collar

8.  Favorite Accessory
A.  Spring Pole
B.  Rape Rack
C.   Attorney from the Lexus Project

D.  Tutu and small children

9.  Favorite snack
      A. Pit bulls

B.  Chain link and "Mega Bully Supplement"

C.  I used to like bones, now I like children

D.  Aggressive Yappy Dogs

10.  The most likely way you will die

A.  I will lose a dog fight

B.  I will vomit after copulation, and die of asphyxia

        C.  I will live to a ripe old age at the sanctuary, or will get “stolen” while under the care of some foster fur momma,  and it may take a while 'til there is an investigation to see what really happened to me.

D.  I will be shot or stabbed by the next door neighbor while dining on Dachshund.

Scoring

I.  If your score is between 10 and 15, you are a GAME BRED PIT BULL.  If you and your spawn keep winning, you may fight or be retired and breed more of your kind.  Your curs may end up as being used for breeding stock of type 2 "pit bulls" .  Should there ever be a raid on your fighting ring, you may end up as type 3, used on ASPCA commercials to raise “awareness” and funds, especially if you survive missing ears or a leg, and have lots of battle scars.   If you don’t attack a human at the shelter you just may end up as type 4 and spend the rest of your life tasting children, snacking on neighborhood pets, and wearing tutus.  


II. If your score is between  16 and 25, you are not considered to be a pit bull by hard core pit bull fanatics, but likely your owner has one of these bumper stickers on his pick up truck with really big tires.  You are one of those poor genetic mutants known as an AMERICAN BULLY.



III. If your score is between 26 and 35, you are a TYPICAL CUR that maybe once or twice displayed your genetic heritage.  Most of your kind ends up being turned in to be euthanized at the shelter by an owner who realized they couldn’t handle you, or when you “somehow” escape and are caught as a stray by animal control.  Should you attack a human, and cause fatal or serious injury, and get some media attention, there may be a campaign to save you, and you may end up raising quite a bit of money for some attorneys who work “pro-bono” for the Lexus Project.

IV.  If your score is above 36, you are a PIBBLE or a PITTY, essentially a prop to heighten the self-esteem of a well-meaning college educated pit bull activist.  She may work as a vet tech.  In her spare time, between taking you visiting the hospital or the  library or a "kissing booth" at Pets Mart, she may go online and attack the character of anyone who dares to warn people of the dangers of pit bulls and supports BSL policy, all the while, lets you test the “nanny dog” theory with her own children.  You may be the most dangerous type of pit bull there is, because your owner is not willing to admit what you are.

Talented Pit Bull of the Day

Pit Bulls and their derivations are often used for the "sport" of weight pulling, but really, there is a practical application as you will see in this video.  Of course, mules do this better, but alas, in most cases, they are banned. 

Click here to watch video.