Showing posts with label apologia. Show all posts
Showing posts with label apologia. Show all posts

Sunday, February 15, 2015

Pittys in Pajamas

There is an non-ending and absolutely pointless and fruitless effort in the pit bull advocacy to help rehabilitate the "bad" image of pit bulls. NEWSFLASH....PIT BULLS DO NOT CARE ABOUT THEIR IMAGE.    What they need to figure out, how to stop pit bulls from mauling the people in the household they are kept as cherished pets, especially the children. Oh the places they go.  They start off in rather lofty places, and end up in the underwear drawer.

First there was the reworking of the "First they came for...." poem, and it didn't work.  I found it offensive to compare regulating pit bulls to the plight of Jews in Nazi era Germany. It's been made into t-shirts and memes, it's supposed to scare anyone who owns a German Shepherd or a Cocker Spaniel into opposing B.S.L..


They continually use politically correct rhetoric, which works very well.  They have employed revisionist history by calling them Nanny Dogs.   I know of people who used to think of that way, and now the dogs they knew as "Nanny" killed children they loved.  It disturbs my rational mind to no end, even a leading pit bull advocacy, BAD RAP, hasn't been able to eradicate the Pandora's box that was opened up in 1971. They continually try to push these dogs off as "therapy" dogs.  Not working.  It's only a matter of time until  some pit bull victim goes into a PTSD episode with one of these mauling dogs near.   They score a "victory" when they can have a scared Santa fired.  It's only a matter of time until one of these dogs goes off pit bull style.  It will be a bloody three ring media circus. 

Then the Huffington Post launched their own banner project to help the image of the pit bull, and what I notice, is that there are more and more pit bull attacks.   They are perfectly fine presenting half truths and full out, bloody lies as legitimate news.  More advocacy, more victims.  It's not working.

Still,  the advocacy has turned to the absurd in their effort to convince the public that pit bulls are perfectly safe.

Kissing Booths. No way. 

Then they tried tutus  I wasn't convinced. 

They tried soft, hippy makeovers,  with filtered lenses, and I still saw the equivalent of Charles Manson and Adolf Hitler with lovely flowers in their hair. 

Put them in costumes, nope.  I still see a mauler, even with a full mask on. 

There was a campaign launched  Valentine's Day to coincide with the release of the movie adaptation of Fifty Shades of Grey , called "Pitty Shades of Grey", lots of "cute" photos of ugly fighting dogs in varying shades of gargoyle.  I supposed it was to appeal to the sadomasochistic tendencies in the pit bull tribe.  We already had figured that out with the "Titties for Pitties" striptease fundraisers, and the cheeky calendar "Pinups for Pit Bulls".  Sexual fetishes, tatted up pretties who have a flair for exhibition and pit bulls go together like peanut butter and jelly.  

Now it's "Pittys in P.J.s". 



Still not convinced.  My mind has not been changed. In fact, it only helps to convince me that there needs to be more work to regulate the kind of morons who think putting p.j.s. on a pit bull makes them safe, from owning them. 

I still have this movie in my head that won't go away every time I see one of these mutant dogs.  This dog is about as adorable as the Zuni Warrior Fetish Doll, in ugly Pajamas. 





They come in the ever popular Jolly Roger print, or Mexican Dia De Los Muertos sugar skulls!  Imagine that!


There are an abundance of this type of PJ's for their fur mommies to wear.  I suppose it suggests that the woman who wears them is some kind of animal in bed, that, or she is trying to convince herself that she is safe.  These nighties will not keep them safe should pitty have a dream that awakens D.N.A.  


Women who wear "Hoodie-Footies" are scary enough.

          

I wonder if the woman who creates these wears matching "Sleeps with Pit Bulls" jammies.  Here's her facebook page.  I must commend her for her excellent taste in combining fonts, colors,  and pattern, just ravishing. 


         These are still not available in Kevlar.  
          I couldn't find the Chihuahua model. 

                          I wonder why?

Oh, I get it now. 






Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Like Oh My Gawd, Totally Looks Like...

The Huffington Post dilly dallied about, not quite knowing what to do with this news story, 'till they finally got brave and posted it four days after it became old news.   Of course, at the end they had to put out a Huffington style disclaimer, because that may give pit bulls a bad name.  They told a lie. 

"While pit bulls can obviously be vicious, and are frequently portrayed as such in the media, research has provided evidence  (Huffington Post Pibble Puff Piece Link, surprise surprise!) to suggest they are not inherently dangerous. They are one of the most tolerant dogs in existence, according to the American Temperament Test Society." 

Cough, Cough, there goes that American Temperament Test Society myth again.  I wonder how many pit bulls even took and passed that test for protection sports this year, verses how many mauled and killed, like Fat Boi did. How many were turned into the pound for aggression by their owners, or shot by the police? 

They also forgot to include it in the correct section, so we thought we should present the image selected by the Huffington Post Editors with their usual banner.  Dum Dum Dum Dum (Trumpet fanfare and rolling tympani)...









Monday, December 1, 2014

The Wagging Tail of the Dog that Nearly Killed Father Christmas

A  (TRUE) Christmas Story by She Who Sees

Santa Claus has got allergies. He's allergic to dogs. ALL dogs. It's a well-kept secret once only spoken of in murmurs in the magical grottos where Elves tap tiny hammers at wooden toys, and write software programmes for PlayStation 4 games. But not anymore.... Santa's secret is OUT. He's a geezer with a wheezer, he is Santa the Panter.

So there he sat, the jolly gentleman in red, his beard snow-white and fluffy, his girth wide and welcoming, his voice booming with endearing conviction 'Ho Ho Ho', a happy queue of parents with their tiny excited charges before him, a sack of gifts at his boot-clad feet, when suddenly....
Pit Bull Mommy, Pit Bull Daddy, their sweet little girl, and her 'Service Dog Pit Bull' arrive.
A Concerned Staff Member who knew of poor Santa's canine dilemma (those Elves are such terrible gossips), steps up to whisper in Santa's tickly whiskers, "is it okay for this short-haired dog to come hither, Santa dear?" to which our seasonal friend cringed, wheezed, wiped his eyes, and pleaded 'no, please no, anything, ANYTHING, but not dogs; alas, I could die, right here, amidst the tinsel and the toys, I have to think of my 'elf'.
Oh-so-gently did the Concerned Staff Member reveal poor Santa's doggy dilemma to the Pit Bull Mommy and the Pit Bull Daddy, but did they understand? DID they worry that poor Santa, after HUNDREDS of years of service to the young and the innocent, might actually cock his toes and fall off his perch, right there, today, in front of them all; Santa himself, flopping around like a landed fish, legs akimbo, wheezing like a grampus on 60 smokes a day?
No. They didn't. They got mad. They got Pit Bull mad. They called Santa a 'Nancy'!!! And worse!!! So too was the concerned Staff member abused as the Pit Bull Parents forgot ALL about their sweet little daughter, and proceeded to RANT and to RAGE and to THREATEN and to BLUSTER. Everyone was so upset! The sweet little girl cried! The crowd watched, enthralled and repelled - who needs a Christmas Pantomime; it was right there, in front of them, for free!
The Pit Bull Parents were escorted from the building; they were NOT to be reasoned with. They demanded names; they demanded retribution; they swore like fish-wives. They wanted their damn moment with Santa as he flopped around in his grotto, dying from anaphylactic shock, turning purple in the face, hurling wrapped gifts asunder as he tried to draw breath through the miasma of Pit Bull dander - how DARE Santa threaten to die when THEY wanted to show everyone their Service Dog Pit Bull could be JUST like any other Service Dog, and was absolutely NOT a representative of a dog that not only killed more children than all other breeds combined, but was in truth only a threat to the life and welfare of fat old Santas with allergy problems!
And away to the media they went, hauling their harnessed Service Doggie and their weeping child behind them. An outrage! Beastly old Santa must hate Pit Bulls! He must be a racist Santa! And that Concerned Staff Member was a Pit Bull racist too! Man the guns! Circle the wagons! Put on an Oscar-winning performance! Louder! Don't bully my breed! Chihuahua's are more dangerous! Get educamated, Santa!
But a nasty derpish moment did await the Pit Bull Parents.... Oh dear. For the Concerned Staff Member was ACTUALLY a life-long Pit Bull OWNER, and she KNEW that poor Santa would have shuffled off his mortal coil in the presence of ANY dog, not just a Pit Bull. My goodness - for perhaps the first time in history, a Chihuahua WAS actually as dangerous to someone as a Pit Bull! And so the Concerned Staff Member came out in a huff of righteous seasonal indignation to set the record straight on a Facebook Pitter Page called Pup-cake the Service Dog, much to the chagrin of the slowly-deflating Pit Bull Parents and the myriad horde of frothing Pit Bull Nutters attendant at all such media events. Silence may not be an option for the advocates of Pit Bull victims and survivors, but even these zenith-point Nutters knew that perhaps silence was a better option, once one has been revealed to be a bit of a moon-calf. And of course, the admin of Pup-cake the Service Dog seem to believe in silence TOO - they don't want to hear ANYTHING that might cast a hint of a doubt on the feckless idea of a Pit Bull as a Service Dog, as they swiftly delete ALL posts that may call them to account for their Santa-endangering actions...
And so ends (or perhaps just begins) the bizarre and yet rather predictable tale of Pit Bull Parents who forgot their humanity, of a wonderful Santa who adored children but tried to draw the line at DYING for the sake of a child with a Pit Bull, a Concerned Staff Member of decency who loves Pit Bulls but didn't fancy performing CPR on Father Christmas, and a Service Dog Pit Bull who unwittingly nearly snuffed poor Santa before he had even had the chance to draw his Ventolin inhaler and suck lustily on it.



Oh these Pit Bull Parents! Never a dull moment! Merry Christmas, one and all! Merry bloomin' Christmas!!!



Despite statements from the manager,  according to the spotlight agenda driven parents of...here goes...Abcde, they are gloating that this "Bad Santa" and the elf has been fired.  Got to love their concern for other people with health conditions! 

Here's the spin from Pup-cake's kitchen!



FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE 


Orange County Grinch disguised as Santa attempts to ruin Christmas 
Little girl with autism is turned away from Santa because of pit bull service dog 


Mission Viejo, California, US November 30, 2014  


A little girl with autism waited patiently in line today to meet Santa; not to ask Santa for anything but to ask Santa what he wanted himself for Christmas.

Autism is accompanied by many sensory issues, included self-harm behaviors and feeling overwhelmed at times by lights, sounds, especially when waiting; Pup-cake the service dog’s job is to intervene in those moments.

A family should be celebrating tonight the accomplishment of a child who waited over thirty minutes (Waiting for thirty minutes is not an accomplishment!) today at The Shops in Mission Viejo to meet Santa. To her dismay, Santa was afraid of her service dog, a sweet pit bull with as patient a disposition as Abcde, only to be turned away due to what we can only assume is the influence of BSL (breed specific legislation). (ASSUME is right, because BSL is not legal in this state, yet.  According to the testimony of the manager, ASSES are exactly what you made of yourself, and you are responsible for upsetting your child.) After the Santos family offered to remove the dog from the area, the building, Santa still refused to see the child; sending her away heartbroken leaving a family to comfort a child instead of celebrating her accomplishments.

The family is dealing with the law-breaking Santa imposter (is he anything like the imposter service dog and your imposter outrage?) and his Elf assistant, and has contacted Simon Property Group, and the management at The Shops at Mission Viejo; their goal is primarily and always to educate and inform those ignorant of the American Disabilities (allergies, anyone?) Act to ensure there are no more victims. They will also be reaching out to Noerr Programs Corporation.

Tonight, in the hopes of reigniting the holiday spirit in a crushed child, I ask one favor. 

#savePupcakesChristmas#savePupcakesChristmas

Please get out your best Elf costumes, your Santa hats, your beards, your jingle bells and reindeers and bring on the holiday cheer!  Let’s rally together and show Abcde that the REAL Santa, in fact, LOVES her and her dog. Then she can consume these videos in her time in her own home.

Please share your videos using #savePupcakesChristmas and share to your social media. Instagram, Twitter, Facebook – we’ll find them!  Yes, Abcde, there really is a Santa Claus… and he LOVES Pup-cake.  (WE NEED SOME MORE ATTENTION, WE NEED TO STIR UP OUTRAGE WHERE THERE IS NONE!) 

#savePupcakesChristmas
How many of you will need your own emotional support Tiger to deal with the PTSD this creature will inspire?


This is only the second act.  What they may be fishing for, is their own reality series.  Stay tuned into the real Pit Nutter Circus, starring Pup-cake the fake service dog, Abcde, and some assorted attention hungry grifters.

Saturday, October 11, 2014

MORE Charming and Ironic Costumes

Just in time for PIT BULL AWARENESS MONTH and HALLOWEEN (and continuing on with Dia de los Muertos) here are some wonderful costume ideas modeled by the pibbles owned by the pit bull tribe of facebook!  Enjoy!
 

Chilly Willy doesn't feel he needs a devil costume to scare the kiddos.  


Luna the pibble made this homage to Lady Gaga's most iconic dress using flank steaks from organic free-range postal carriers and bits of neighborhood cats she herself harvested from hunts 
in the hood.



Sharky the Land Shark has been pillaging and plundering for years. Watch out for your fingers, he's not after your candy.



Plucky Pup Ozzy decided to dress as a victim of
a pit bull attack this year.
After eating the ear of a dog at the Shutzenhund meet, 
                                  Boom felt like Mike Tyson!




Fluffy Britches thinks to herself...."what's more frightening...my costume, or what lies beneath?"




Chilly Willy goes as his alter ego, John Wayne Gacy, once more.  
Clowns scare the bejeezers out of me!



Luna appears again, this time dressed as Miley Cyrus.  
She is quite the wrecking ball, and enjoys spring pole time!

Aye Carumba it's Chilly Willy Chile con carne! 
He ate one of those really mean Chihuahuas, 
and THIS is what happened!


 Pimpy Do Dah dresses just like his fur mommy's honey!






To get some action, 
Pimpy Do Dah's fur mommy's honey dresses 
                                    like Pimpy Do Dah.




Trinity invokes Donny Darko with this get up.  
Having a set of ears is something new to her.


Luna reappears as the White Swan, 
                           but the Black Swan is in her eyes.
                   She ate the prima ballerina after the first act.



Chilly Willy and Luna wish they could be as lovely as Lions,
or Chows, (who come with their own Lion Costume)
but you need a costume to hide all of that.
The costume tells more about the owner....
he fancies himself as a Lion Tamer.
Get a lion, and insist..."It's all how you raise 'em!"






Pimpy Do Dah appears once more, as the Grim Reaper.
He doesn't need a costume for that.




Creature of the early morning jog,
Creature of the late morning postal worker maul,
Creature of the afternoon adventure while walking the dog,
Creature of the early eve heart attack
While weeding the garden, you'd better watch your back!

Take a weapon with you when you Trick-or-Treat. 
The creature's looking for things to eat!
Trick-or-treaters, do beware!
These days, there are real monsters out there!

Saturday, September 13, 2014

What Kind of Pit Bull Are You? Take the Quiz!



I ran into this ridiculous test to find out what kind of pit bull I am.  I turned out to be the rapper, Pit Bull, not a real pit bull, WHEW!

Click here and prepare the barf bag!


Pit Nutter Circus
thought we would get into the fun, so we created a test and find out just what kind of REAL PIT BULL you are!  Or you can take it on behalf of the pit bull that gave you a lesson on what it means to be a pit bull.


Take the REAL test!

It's been removed!  WINNING!  Not to worry, reposted below, scroll down. Viva la Freedom of Speech!


       What kind of pit bull are you?

Reposted here for your amusement, with a nod to the serious! Take out a notepad and keep score

for every A answer, give yourself one point
For every B score 2
for every C score 3
and every D answer scores 4. All you Cosmo readers will have no problem with this.



1.  What name appeals to you most?

  A.  Honeybunch  B.  Diablo  C.  Mickey  D.  Pimpy Do Dah

      2.  Describe your owner.
A.  White Trash with criminal tendencies
B.  Well, there are definite fragile masculinity issues going on...
C.   Irresponsible and/or clueless 
D.  College educated vegan animal rights activist

3.  What activity do you most enjoy?

A.  Fighting with other dogs like myself

B.  I wish I could walk, it’s hard to breathe
C.  Defending my bone and snacking on children
D.  Tasting children to see if they are ripe yet
 
4.  Do you have any special talents?
A.  I would fight another dog like me to the death despite    having my ear or leg torn off
B.  I have this very large head.  Homies be saying “Damn, that dog has a large head”.  I add at least an inch to the manhood of my owner.
C.  Multitudes of people world around the world donated thousands of dollars to the “Lexus Project” for my legal defense, and I have a Causes page, a facebook page, and I've even been on the news! 
D.  I am able to live in an apartment complex where no pets are allowed, and where pit bulls are banned, because my fur mommy claims I’m a “therapy dog”.

5.  Describe where you live:
A.  Way out in the Hollers of Ohio
B.  Los Angeles
C.  Maricopa County Jail, Arizona
D.  Maimi Dade County, Florida

6.  If you were “somehow” able to escape, what activity most appeals to you?
A.  Attacking anything that moves
B.  I wouldn’t be able to make it out the front door.
C.  Eat a child
D.  Maul the Dachshund next door.  You know, they are the most aggressive dog out there!

7.  Describe what you are wearing right now?
A.  A very large chain and lots of battle scars
B.  An expensive studded collar
C.  A costume, I’m posing for the web cam!
D.  A “Therapy” Dog vest and a prong collar
8.  Favorite Accessory
A.  Spring Pole
B.  Rape Rack
C.   Attorney from the Lexus Project
D.  Tutu and small children
9.  Favorite snack
      A. Pit bulls
B.  Chain link and "Mega Bully Supplement"
C.  I used to like bones, now I like children
D.  Aggressive Yappy Dogs

10.  The most likely way you will die

A.  I will lose a dog fight
B.  I will vomit after copulation, and die of asphyxia
       
C.  I will live to a ripe old age at the sanctuary, or will get “stolen” while under the care of some foster fur momma,  and it may take a while 'til there is an investigation to see what really happened to me.
D.  I will be shot or stabbed by the next door neighbor while dining on Dachshund.

Scoring

I.  If your score is between 10 and 15, you are a GAME BRED PIT BULL.  If you and your spawn keep winning, you may fight or be retired and breed more of your kind.  Your curs may end up as being used for breeding stock of type 2 "pit bulls" .  Should there ever be a raid on your fighting ring, you may end up as type 3, used on ASPCA commercials to raise “awareness” and funds, especially if you survive missing ears or a leg, and have lots of battle scars.   If you don’t attack a human at the shelter you just may end up as type 4 and spend the rest of your life tasting children, snacking on neighborhood pets, and wearing tutus.  


II. If your score is between  16 and 25, you are not considered to be a pit bull by hard core pit bull fanatics, but likely your owner has one of these bumper stickers on his pick up truck with really big tires.  You are one of those poor genetic mutants known as an AMERICAN BULLY.



III. If your score is between 26 and 35, you are a TYPICAL CUR that maybe once or twice displayed your genetic heritage.  Most of your kind ends up being turned in to be euthanized at the shelter by an owner who realized they couldn’t handle you, or when you “somehow” escape and are caught as a stray by animal control.  Should you attack a human, and cause fatal or serious injury, and get some media attention, there may be a campaign to save you, and you may end up raising quite a bit of money for some attorneys who work “pro-bono” for the Lexus Project.

IV.  If your score is above 36, you are a PIBBLE or a PITTY, essentially a prop to heighten the self-esteem of a well-meaning college educated pit bull activist.  She may work as a vet tech.  In her spare time, between taking you visiting the hospital or the  library or a "kissing booth" at Pets Mart, she may go online and attack the character of anyone who dares to warn people of the dangers of pit bulls and supports BSL policy, all the while, lets you test the “nanny dog” theory with her own children.  You may be the most dangerous type of pit bull there is, because your owner is not willing to admit what you are.




Friday, August 8, 2014

The Summer of Pibble Love-Hippy Makeovers Galore!

The Summer of 2014 seems to be a battle between media outlets between who can woo the most pit bull fans with the glossiest and glowing fluff pieces about that poor maligned breed of dog,
the pibbly-wibbly poo.

Just as Huffington Post ended a week long series, and pibbly-wibbly poo added a fatality or two and scores of serious maimings of people and pets, the Irish Mirror jumped on the rehabilitation bandwagon with this series of "Hippy makeovers". 

Pit Nutter Circus was inspired in turn, to give an image makeover to some of the most despised serial killers in history.  Is it possible, they were just misunderstood?  Their mommies loved them surely!
 
Bloody Groovy Baby!
Neither serial killerypoos Aileen Wuornos nor Jeff Dahmer were stoned, but both did receive the death penalty for their crimes.

Had Kim Jong Ilipoo a bong, he may have not been so angry and "ronley".  He was just so cute and cuddly!

Adolfy Poo and Pibbly Wibbly Poo sing folk songs for you!  Both Guitars and Pibbles kill Fascists.


Had Joey Stalin been  around today, why we could have neutered him and filed his teeth down and dressed him up like a hippfied Mickey,  and he and millions could have lived in peace.

Click here and read about Mickey's live web cam!
Isn't he an adorable Pitty?








Osamapoo  and Pibbles wish you Peace to Pieces.